I remember seeing a tweet a bit ago that said “I know when I am entering a depressed mood because I don’t even want to listen to music”
The beautiful thing about reflecting and finding these signals of sadness is you can build systems to prevent them or prepare for what is about to hit. For example, I am the type of Spotify user who has one playlist labeled “Liked Songs”. It consists of every song I have ever liked in the app. I tend to only listen to it in order from the top and my daily listening changes as I discover new artists and songs.
Frequently, I forget songs that used to be the light of my life but that is exactly why i love this method of curation. These older songs store the emotions from the time i was first listening, and the ones above and below align with the passing of time. There are pockets of my memories packaged as their own little playlists. There is no conscious organization and it tends to be a wide array of genres, but it's all underlain by past feelings.
For me it is the best way to listen to music. It’s my combat against the fact I will never consume every thing. Whether music or books or whatever there is not enough time to see it all, so I let the art explore me.
I may try to listen to older songs more often, but there is something about music that doesn’t want me to tell it what to do.
So what is the song to listen to when not even your favorite feels palatable? I’m starting to learn the answer is silence. Certainly there is some benefit of a Mazzy Star or Radiohead tune to empower your dump of a day, but I’d rather use them for the recovery. The time after the war happened in my head and the sky opened up and I’m ready to try again. Maybe not full of energy quite yet, but something to remind me that the bad days pass by.
When I look at the list of most listened to songs on my account it always surprises me. It’s never close to a list I would make of my all time favorite songs but all the songs are attached to very specific moments of my life that were rich in life. This is why I have grown comfortable with my life recorded by my phone through data. As it collects more you can use it to bring back in to the real world as an explanation for your sub conscious.
This essay has made me want to go back and find these songs that are attached to me in the most significant ways. I think that defeats the purpose of my method though. By leaving it to chance there’s more power to the music. It finds me. It always has and it always will.
I know I am entering a depressed mood when I don’t even want to listen to music. Right now I am loving music. I’ll share some new ones for you the reader to enjoy, but truthfully to remind me what I am missing next time life doesn’t seem so bright.